Smoking is so good for you. It will give your lungs, blood stream, and heart the variety that it was looking for: arsenic, carbon monoxide, tar, and ammonia. All of those chemicals that we use to kill rats, pave our driveway, or buy detectors for, so we do not pass out and die, are what you are willingly breathing in. What a smart, wise decision you have made for yourself.

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In addition to all of those beautiful chemicals, about 600 carcinogens before your cigarette is even lit with a match of lighter, you are way more likely to experience a disease that you have always wondered about getting. That disease is called cancer. Imagine how much fun your lungs must be having when they turn black every day. How much more fun will it be when you get lung cancer, barely able to breathe, as you cough up blood? How about throat cancer? You can lose your whole voice box and have to talk out of one of those voice synthesizers. Hey, but if you want to look really classy, you can sticking your lit cigarette into the hole covering your throat. Then, there is the great experience of chemotherapy, which means watching your hair fall out, vomiting, and pure exhaustion. Perhaps, you will be the lucky smoker who gets COPD. At its end stages, you will barely be able to catch your breath or walk up the stairs without coughing for 10 minutes, your oxygen tank feeling like a ton of bricks.

Smoking will more than likely give you angel wings about 10 to 20 years early, as you smile and watch your spouse and children do things without you on earth. When your son hits that Grand Slam for his varsity high school baseball team, you can shout down from heaven and congratulate your kid. Yet, he will not hear you. You can watch your children graduate from college, have kids, and become the person that you hoped they would be, as you watch from above. Sounds like a great plan, huh?

After hearing about all of these awesome smoking benefits, I am sure that you agree with me when I say that smoking is so good for you. Go out and buy that pack of Marlboros today!